What Kind of Place Gives You Free Sodas?!

We had some assholes in the restaurant the other day who were mortified when they got their bill and saw sodas on it. What kind of places are you going to where you get free sodas?! McDonald's charges for soda!! What kind of person are you to call a manager over and say you didn't know sodas were not free? They are never free! Anywhere! You ordered it, fucking pay for it!

Here's the kicker. When told sodas are not included, these assholes actually said, "well, Shirley Temples aren't sodas". OMFG!! No, you're right, it's Sprite plus Grenadine, so it's actually more than a soda! I swear to everything these people should be slapped in the face several times.

Driving With the General Public

It is highly recommended to look BOTH ways before you turn left onto a 2 way street.
Don't be like the dumb whore I cam across today who decided that she was only going to look to the right.  Luckily, I knew this retard had no intention of looking my way and I slowed down to a near stop.

Here's where it gets awesome.  When she was halfway through the turn, she looked my way, and saw my car just chillin there.  She freaked out and stopped her car.  Like that would have done any good if I was moving.  Great, now you've held me up even more.  Move along you damn idiot!
So she finally gets going again and my awesome fiancee gave her a thumbs up from the passenger seat for her excellent driving skills.

Ah, driving!

You Thought You Had More Friends...

I hate this one because I really am a nice guy with actual feelings, so I have to have pity on you. 
You booked a party for your birthday for 30, and there are 8 people sitting in your room. 
Ok, that sucks.
For you and for us.  However, you didn't think about us when you made up 22 pretend friends in your head.  I mean, I feel like I have a pretty good idea of how many people would show up to a dinner I invited them to.  And It ain't 30, not even half that.  But at least I am honest with myself.  I'm not going to go book a room for 30, tie up all that space and 2 servers for a couple of hours on a busy ass night because I told some acquaintances about my dinner.  Plus, what looks worse for you, 8 people in a room of 30, or 8 people at a table for 10? 
You make yourself look like the biggest loser of all time. 
And we are left to pity you!  This is just as bad as seeing someone stood up on a date in the restaurant!

Are You Clipping Your Nails?!

Yes.  You are.

I could not believe this one.  This 40 something lady in a party with 9 other rude, loud women started clipping her nails in the restaurant.  At her table!  Clipping her fucking nails!! 
This should give you an idea of how classy the other people in the party were; as they just sat there flapping their gums like nothing was going on.  I was mortified!
I am working like normal, and I hear this sound.  Tink, tink, tink.  I'm like, what is that sound?! 
My first reaction was not, oh, someone is clipping their nails.  Probably because I was in a restaurant.  When I realized what it was, I was like, what the hell is that about?!

Just another person with great manners going out to eat!

I Didn't Know "Venti Latte" Was a State of Being!

This one is short, but sour.

I'm at Starbucks today and after ordering my drink, the next guy in line does this:

Cashier:  "Hi how ya doin today?"
Jackass: "Venti Latte"

I love this one.  This happens a lot at my work too.  I love asking how someone is doing and being answered with a beverage.

Me: "Hi, how are you?"
Jackass: "Diet Coke"
Me: "Oh that's too bad, I was feeling a little Diet Coke yesterday but today I'm happy to say I am Iced Tea."
Jackass: "What"
Me: "Fuck you"
Jackass: "Diet Coke"


What kind of world do you live in where you just bark orders at someone when they greet you?!  I mean, I'm looking at you, and it's obvious that you don't actually have money, probably not even a job, so what is with you?  I would go on trying to explain this person, but it's a lost cause.

Would You Kindly STFU?!

Here's the setup:  trashy birthday party, missing teeth, deep female voices (you know, the kind druggies have) and an 8% tip.

I am halfway across the restaurant and I hear this bellowing voice.  I go over to see what the commotion is all about and I see some crackhead lady reading a birthday card out loud.  And I mean OUT LOUD.  The ten neighboring tables were just staring like, "what the fuck?!".  I assume the one crackhead was reading the card because the other crackhead couldn't read.  Or maybe she was too busy gnawing on her bottom lip to read.  Either way, the moral of the story is that when speaking or reading to someone when you are in  public and they are 18 inches away, go ahead and use that 18 inch voice.  Not the 35 foot cackle. 

Oh and I don't care that you are paying $10 a plate, that's still not a green light to make a scene.  The people around you are paying the same (oh wait, more because they actually tip well) and they don't want to listen to your crackhead ass all night.

No Thanks, I Don't Want AIDS.

Ok, I will try and keep the cussing down on this one, but this is ridiculous.

I am cleaning a table (no kids under 12 ate at this table) last night when I am about to reach for some napkins when I notice that there is blood all over them.  Like "bloody nose" blood, not "paper cut" blood, but also not "shot in the chest" blood.  They were not even crumpled up at all!!  What the fuck is that?!  At least make a damn ball out of the napkins!  I almost took a picture of it I was so appalled.  Where do you think you are, a fucking public bathroom?!  And who the fuck am I?!  What went through your head when you just left your bloody ass napkins sitting there?!  "Ah fuck it, someone will get those" or "oh shit, I bled all over these napkins, gross, I don't want to touch them."  But I do?!  I mean, this is human fucking blood we're talking about here.

Keep yourself to yourself because I didn't come to work to get AIDS tonight.